metonymy4u

So it’s no secret that for most of my life I’ve struggled with my relationship to relationship. Relationships have been what I’ve craved most and been least able to sustain or achieve. And the suffering has been such that at times I have not wanted to continue living. Recently I’ve decided that seeking “romantic” relationship is no longer helpful or wise. And so I’ve decided that it is time for me to explore a different relationship to my desire for relationship. To that end, I’ve taken down all my online dating profiles and hope to actively cultivate a different relationship to my desires for relationship with others, whenever such desire arises. I have lots of doubts about these decisions. I’m not sure if my behaviors are wise or not. My brain is giving me arguments on both sides of the fence. Therefore I am committing only to awareness. My goal is nothing more than to increase awareness of my desire, and to “speak without involving listeners.”