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Archive for February, 2019



for the most part i have been very bitter about much of the trauma i have survived throughout my life. it is a fact that one of my childhood developmental tasks was to figure out how to survive chronic physical, sexual and emotional violence. and the effects that are still threatening to take my life from me even to this day. more recently the thought has occurred to me that i might be able to learn a different relation to this history. that i might be able to feel differently about my life both past and present. indeed i have been very clever about avoiding this path— could we call it the path of wisdom?—because of the emotional pain that i thought it would entail. i have been, at least, clever enough to sense the pain involved and it scared me. i understand now that cleverness does not suffice. that the only way out of hell requires wisdom, the wisdom to accept real, tangible, living pain as a part of existing in a body subject to the causes and conditions of the universe.


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